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Light…

First of all let me thank you again for your work and efforts in helping brothers to break free from this desease. May Allah reward you for all the great job you are doing.

I don’t have a particular story to tell you, but i can share with you my experiences with porn – or ‘free porn’ if i may say. Surely free porn had affected many aspects of my life – it cost me my health physically and mentally, MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ALLAH, my time and energey, studies, my relationships with famliy friends, and my social life.

Although the level of my addiction is not as severe compared to what i read from other brothers, it surely interfered with my life.
But my recent relapse experineces (in July) was somewhat unique. What was unique about my relapes was that whenever i relapsed, i looked for inspiring sources to comfort me as the experience of a relapese is not pleasant i have to tell you. So i would look for islamic speeches or lectures on youtube which talk about repentence, how forgiving is ALLAH and why sins in general are bad for human beings and not fun as they often appear to be (where satan preys on his victims). Each and every time i relapsed i learned a lot about ALLAH and also some valuable information regarding sex and porn addiction. These information which ALLAH guided me to learn are the main reason why i feel in control at the moment.

Let me share with you some of these informations regarding pornography as well as sex addiction so that other brothers can benefit from as well insha’ALLAH.

One of the main things i have learned that changed my perception about porn was the pornography industry itself. Accordong to pornography watchdog, %97 of porn stars, (i mean movie makers as they dont deserve to be called stars) have been sexually abused as children. Either molested by a father, relative, brother, step father and experienced any terrible sexual experiences you could imagine at a young age. As a result they became messed up emotionally, sexually confused and placed sex in an inappropriate place in thier lifes. Most of them suffer from psychological dosorders; bulimia, body dismorphic disorders, depression, aneroxia, Bipolar disorder, anxiety, sex and love addiction and the list goes on. They are suicidal and many have taken their on lives.

This is not my personal oponion, but it’s based on years of scientific research. You can look for yourself by going to Shelley Lubben’s website http://www.shelleylubben.com. Shelley is an ex porn actress who dedicated her life to free these broken individuals from quitting the porn industry. You can also watch her on youtube to hear her upbringing and why she ended up in the porn industry.

As a psychology student at a degree level myself these statidtics hardly surprise me as i have been taught the strong correlation between sex abuse at an early age and sexual and fixation in later life. So the idea of getting pleasure out these vulnerable and broken people who might even be dead shaked my perception about viewing porn. One might even watch a movie of someone who is already dead without him knowing. So this particular knowledge has changed my perception about porn.

Brother Zeyad you are aware of the importance of perception change in any unwanted behaviour such as addictions. It’s a field called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which is applied in treating almost all behavioural disorders as it was proven to be the most effective type of therapy present.

CTB invloves change in perception which leads to change in action or behaviour. Our prophet upon him be peace and blessing founded CBT 1400 years ago when he changed the perception of a man who had problems with controlling his sexual urges. In this well known hadith, a man came to the prophet upon him be peace and blessing asking him to permit adultery for him in which the prophet be peace and blessing upon him replied, do you want it to your daughter? To the astonishment of the man who imagined his daughter having zina, replied NO. Do you want it to happen to your mother said the prophet peace and blessing be upon him and the man again couldn’t bear imagining this terrible picture and replied NO until the end of this hadith. Since that day the man didn’t even think of comitting zina again as his whole perception was changed. He never saw zina from that angel and became a turn off for him since.

So it’s possible to apply the same thing to pornography which i am doing at the moment. The idea of watching vulnerable and broken people having sex is strenghening my sobriety which i hope ALLAH will help me with insha’ALLAH.

And finally, i also learned that behind porn addiction lay childhood trauma such as emotional abuse or any sort of childhood abuse. That include being yelled at most of the time, being abondoned and not being shown love as a child, being raised in a strict family, not being listened to, feeling of inadequacy and the list goes on.

These are the factors that could contribute to addictive behaviours including porn which need to be addressed first inorder to break free from pornography addiction as you mentioned brother Zeyad in one of your vidoes.

I have one year left to graduate insha’ALLAH and i am planning to become a licenced sex and relationship therapist so that i can dedicate my life to helping people break free from thier addictions.

My apologies for thins long post. I thought to share with you my experiences as well as the information i found valuable for the other brothers to look at. May ALLAH guide us to the knowledge that take us from darkness to light.

DAHIR

What I do want you to explain is when the victim faces the desperate moment of urges, the mind wants that quick fix (like you said) and it’s like every wall around you closes in and traps you and you suddenly see nothing but darkness. And your greed takes control of your intellect and you feel like you have been possessed by evil. And the victim knows that the act he’s going to do is wrong and sinful something that he has concluded from his intellect. But its exactly the intellect which is not there at that moment or very little of it that prevents you from refraining it.

So its about what a victim can do to prevent atleast his greed not hijacking his intellect. I believe by doing that and by the Will of God one can break free from it

”Say: “O ‘Ibâdî (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allâh, verily, Allâh forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
And turn in repentance and in obedience with true Faith (Islâmic Monotheism) to your Lord and submit to Him (in Islâm) before the torment comes upon you, (and) then you will not be helped ”. (39,53-54)

and

”As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our paths (i.e. Allâh’s religion – Islâmic Monotheism). And verily, Allâh is with the Muhsinûn (good-doers)”. (29,69)

Now this is addressed to both Adam and & an addict, both of you didn’t answer the original question

When it comes to Ramadan what typically happens or pops that makes it a challenge for you to make it all 30 days without a relapse?

Well one of my main goals is not to turn to porn for the whole month. I think last ramadhan I relapsed a couple of times, but it wasn’t as bad as the one previous to it.

Also, pray all the 5 salaats on time, and read qur’an with tafsir.