Bismillah,
I’m sure you have come across websites or videos with banners or images or videos that they advertise saying “Free Porn Click Here”
But how free is it really?
In this post I would like for you to share how addiction has impacted your life negatively the most.
So please share below things like how it’s affected your self esteem, your performance at school or work, have you pulled into isolation because of it and found yourself more and more anti-social, have you lost money, time, sleep?
Have there been fights with your spouse about this caused directly or indirectly?
Did it lead you to do things you never would have imagined yourself doing before?
Whatever is in your heart that you can share with myself and others then please go ahead and do so.
I look forward to reviewing your comments.
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As Salaam Walakum
Brother Im facing the worst problem of my life, and I believe myself is responsible to get into this problem which im sharing with u and I hope u r going to guide me and help me out to get rid of my problem verysoon inshallah.
Actually Im 30 years old recently married but Im doing continiuosly masturbation for last 11-12 years without realising the drawbacks and sin involved by doing this shameful act just for the sake of excitement and feeling relaxed.
As I told you that recently I got married but i am unable to perform with my wife and even after one month Im unable to start the relatioship between me and my wife because I dont know why there is no erection in my penis which is very shocking incident of my life, even never I dint think of this problem.
I am staying abroad I have to comeback for work so for a month im alone as i have to do some legal formalities to bring my wife meanwhile in that period of time i want to get rid out of this problem.
In initial days of marriage I was very sad, depressed, having many thoughts in my mind about myself related to physcological effects and health related (medical problem) which landed me into this problem.
But after thinking deeply i realised that i bring myself into this problem so i have to look for ways to get out of this problem also,so allahumddullah I made my self strong and i start doing five times namaz and quran regularly and fully left on allah that i made mistake which im getting the results but by heart im praying for allah’s forgiveness and i have a very strong believe in allah and i hope that very soon inshallah allah must made me strong physcologically , mentally, religiously and healhty so i get rid of my greatest problem and fear of my life about my worst health condition and i can start my happy wedding life.
I am having few questions which im seeking the advice
As i have done the sinful act im asking for allah’s forgiveness so i return back with strong health.
is it really masturbation that brings me erection problem and now im unable to perform.
i have another doubt might be it is a health related (medical)problem which i dint realised before getting marriage so now our medical system is really that much advance that i can be diagnosed and get the best treatment at this age and so on by allah’s grace i bring myself in very healthy mentally, physcologically person.
if it is then is there really some treatment available in unani medicine(hikmat) or should i go for some sexologist or some specialist medical professional to get rid of this ercetion problem or night performance problem.
what to do now as by allah’s grace i made my self strong and self determined and now logically, religiously, mentally, calmly im looking for ways too get out of rid of this problem as soon as possible which is effecting my entire relationship.
please advice and please pray for me
im waiting for ur feedback brother
khuda hafiz
Syed
Salam
This problem has had many negative effects on my life in some way or another.
Psychologically I think straight at sometimes my views about sexuality, marriage, and women (sometimes even to the point that I see a woman I have these ‘thoughts’) have been very much negatively impacted by porn. I can only think about sex and those images floating in my head and Its very hard to get these images out of the mind sometimes.
Emotionally this problem has torn me apart too in the sense that after this act I have great great feelings (sometimes even to the point of suicide) of shame, guilt, self-criticism, depression, not-wanting to talk to anyone, etc. Also, theres a great rift and battle in the sense that one part of me fiercely desires to be a chaste and pure young man and yet part of me commits these sins, so its kind of like being torn between two worlds and living two lives with two people in one.
Physically, overmasturbation wreaks havoc on the body by weakening the male body part, causing depression, body aches, POIS (Post Orgasm Illness Syndrome), loss of appetite and apathy toward everything in general.
In terms of life, I’ve ended up performing poorly in my studies/tests at times because I simply didn’t feel like studying or doing anything after falling into this.
You know Zeyad, sometimes I wonder at the mercy of Allah (swt). I swear by Him that out of all the kindness I have observed in my life I have not seen anyone as kind as Him–even toward a sinner He is this kind. I know of people, who have memorized the entire Quran while being addicted to filth and they still remember what they’ve memorized….Don’t you think that this is a great act of kindness? That Allah would allow someone to memorize His Speech while the person kept on sinning and repenting?
@Syed
You are very right in saying that too much masturbation destroys one’s ability to get and maintain an erection and therefore have a healthy sexual life. I have found some things that do help and I’m sure that InshAllah these will also help you. Here is a summary of them:
1. The number 1 important thing is to eat healthy as this will make sure that your body is getting the proper nutrition. Avoid foods with alot of fat (especially trans fats) and sugar and eat a balanced healthy diet.
2. Drink around 8 glasses of water daily. This will make sure that you have healthy blood flow to all parts of the body.
3. In addition to taking a GOOD multivitamin, take a zinc supplement and eat bananas (these are both very good for male sexual health).
4. Exercise as this will boost testosterone production.
5. I Don’t know the halal/haram ruling on this but a good way to promote healthy blood flow to the penis is to do some stretching exercises for the penis and kegels.
6. This last option involves taking a supplement to address this problems specifically and in my humble opinion, there are a number of supplements that you can take, some of which are below:
A. L-Citrulline Malate. This will boost Nitric Oxide production greatly which really helps in erections.
B. VigRX and Hot Rod (be sure to turn pics off when you visit the sites) are the #1 sexual enhancing supplements that I’ve come across in my research.
I hope this was of benefit to you.
JazakAllah Khair.
Salam
Oh and I forgot, if you want to read more about the harmful effects of overmasturbation you can visit this site I’ve found:
http://www.herballove.com/
The “free porn” affects greatly my time. Instead of doing useful things I waste my time.
Sometimes studying for my exams I get stress and just to relieve the tension, I watch porn and masturbate. I waste 1 or 2 hours like that.
As long as I stay in the state of impurity, this leads me to watch porn and masturbate again and again. It also makes me very lazy physically. In this state I stay in my room, all dishevelled not able to carry out any task until I’ve taken a shower.
Because of being in state of impurity, I missed on many things. For example there was a job fair a month ago at my college. I slept in state of janabah and could not wake up on time and had to miss the fair. It was crucial for me to attend because I needed a job.
It becomes really difficult to carry out any chores that in turn affect everything on my to-do list. Most of the time I’m postponing important tasks, it makes me so angry at myself.
And I’ve told you before; it leads me to miss my salaat. This act of watching and masturbating brings my eeman down. I feel guilt try not to fall in the trap again but so far still struggling.
Inshallah, all mention above is changing slowly but surely.
@ Abdullah
This quote really moved my heart,
“You know Zeyad, sometimes I wonder at the mercy of Allah (swt). I swear by Him that out of all the kindness I have observed in my life I have not seen anyone as kind as Him–even toward a sinner He is this kind. I know of people, who have memorized the entire Quran while being addicted to filth and they still remember what they’ve memorized….Don’t you think that this is a great act of kindness? That Allah would allow someone to memorize His Speech while the person kept on sinning and repenting?”
SubhanAllah, it is Jumu’ah today, and there is an hour today where du’a is accepted: so let’s all make du’a for each other, for Allah’s Mercy to never leave our lives, for Allah to continue to shower us with Guidance, opportunity, and a heart that is sincere in seeking His Pleasure.
This addiction costed me my self esteem. I feel that I have always the obligation to go hard on myself because I don’t deserve no kindness. So I always torture myself as to get revenge from myself for being so weak.
It costed me self confidence so I always back off, never take the lead of anything even in situations where people need me or where I can do something I always end up thinking that I am a looser and just hide like a coward.
It costed me my professionnal carreer because I lost all my ambitions for getting a good situation. All I can think of is how pervert I am and how I am useless to the society. It’s torturing me that I ‘ am doing something that is making me cursed by Allah and just cannot achieve anything in my life. I got a bachelor degree and just did nothing whith it I am just sitting home alone. I feel also sometimes so ashamed that I cannot go to the mosk and face others eyes.
And I fear that I will never be married and that I will die with this addiction.
I’am weak may Allah give me the willpower to end this
subhanallah just reading some of these comments has opened up my mind to how disgusting and vile porn is, it has destroyed to lives of many, and I feel i need to realize this importance. Shaitan has made many addicts, including myself, almost immune to realize the severity of this sin. May Allah help me and everyone else who suffers from this problem
Am I addicted?
How do you know if you are addicted?
And how do you determine the severity of your addiction?
Are the specific method of overcoming it or it applies to any stage?
@Edward: To know if you are addicted or not answer for yourself these 2 simple questions:
1. Do you find that pornography is interfering with your life?
2. Have you tried to stop or quit but no matter what you try have found yourself sucked back in again in a vicious pattern?
I know its simplified but if you answered yes to these two questions then you are addicted to pornography. Please check out my latest initiative here where I’ll be sharing some in-depth content via video: http://www.sexualurgecontrol.com
Asalam Alaikum brother Zeyad,
First of all let me thank you again for your work and efforts in helping brothers to break free from this desease. May Allah reward you for all the great job you are doing.
I don’t have a particular story to tell you, but i can share with you my experiences with porn – or ‘free porn’ if i may say. Surely free porn had affected many aspects of my life – it cost me my health physically and mentally, MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ALLAH, my time and energey, studies, my relationships with famliy friends, and my social life.
Although the level of my addiction is not as severe compared to what i read from other brothers, it surely interfered with my life.
But my recent relapse experineces (in July) was somewhat unique. What was unique about my relapes was that whenever i relapsed, i looked for inspiring sources to comfort me as the experience of a relapese is not pleasant i have to tell you. So i would look for islamic speeches or lectures on youtube which talk about repentence, how forgiving is ALLAH and why sins in general are bad for human beings and not fun as they often appear to be (where satan preys on his victims). Each and every time i relapsed i learned a lot about ALLAH and also some valuable information regarding sex and porn addiction. These information which ALLAH guided me to learn are the main reason why i feel in control at the moment.
Let me share with you some of these informations regarding pornography as well as sex addiction so that other brothers can benefit from as well insha’ALLAH.
One of the main things i have learned that changed my perception about porn was the pornography industry itself. Accordong to pornography watchdog, %97 of porn stars, (i mean movie makers as they dont deserve to be called stars) have been sexually abused as children. Either molested by a father, relative, brother, step father and experienced any terrible sexual experiences you could imagine at a young age. As a result they became messed up emotionally, sexually confused and placed sex in an inappropriate place in thier lifes. Most of them suffer from psychological dosorders; bulimia, body dismorphic disorders, depression, aneroxia, Bipolar disorder, anxiety, sex and love addiction and the list goes on. They are suicidal and many have taken their on lives.
This is not my personal oponion, but it’s based on years of scientific research. You can look for yourself by going to Shelley Lubben’s website http://www.shelleylubben.com. Shelley is an ex porn actress who dedicated her life to free these broken individuals from quitting the porn industry. You can also watch her on youtube to hear her upbringing and why she ended up in the porn industry.
As a psychology student at a degree level myself these statidtics hardly surprise me as i have been taught the strong correlation between sex abuse at an early age and sexual and fixation in later life. So the idea of getting pleasure out these vulnerable and broken people who might even be dead shaked my perception about viewing porn. One might even watch a movie of someone who is already dead without him knowing. So this particular knowledge has changed my perception about porn.
Brother Zeyad you are aware of the importance of perception change in any unwanted behaviour such as addictions. It’s a field called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which is applied in treating almost all behavioural disorders as it was proven to be the most effective type of therapy present.
CTB invloves change in perception which leads to change in action or behaviour. Our prophet upon him be peace and blessing founded CBT 1400 years ago when he changed the perception of a man who had problems with controlling his sexual urges. In this well known hadith, a man came to the prophet upon him be peace and blessing asking him to permit adultery for him in which the prophet be peace and blessing upon him replied, do you want it to your daughter? To the astonishment of the man who imagined his daughter having zina, replied NO. Do you want it to happen to your mother said the prophet peace and blessing be upon him and the man again couldn’t bear imagining this terrible picture and replied NO until the end of this hadith. Since that day the man didn’t even think of comitting zina again as his whole perception was changed. He never saw zina from that angel and became a turn off for him since.
So it’s possible to apply the same thing to pornography which i am doing at the moment. The idea of watching vulnerable and broken people having sex is strenghening my sobriety which i hope ALLAH will help me with insha’ALLAH.
And finally, i also learned that behind porn addiction lay childhood trauma such as emotional abuse or any sort of childhood abuse. That include being yelled at most of the time, being abondoned and not being shown love as a child, being raised in a strict family, not being listened to, feeling of inadequacy and the list goes on.
These are the factors that could contribute to addictive behaviours including porn which need to be addressed first inorder to break free from pornography addiction as you mentioned brother Zeyad in one of your vidoes.
I have one year left to graduate insha’ALLAH and i am planning to become a licenced sex and relationship therapist so that i can dedicate my life to helping people break free from thier addictions.
My apologies for thins long post. I thought to share with you my experiences as well as the information i found valuable for the other brothers to look at. May ALLAH guide us to the knowledge that take us from darkness to light.
DAHIR